Surrender is not about losing myself, but allowing God to complete me.
Up until a few years ago, the concept of surrender was a frightening and foreign concept—this notion, this idea—that I had to give up my entire being. My pride refused to surrender to even God's Goodness; and well, God began to knock down that reality, as my professional-life took a nose-dive. I found myself unemployed after being laid-off followed by an early termination at a new position. Efforts to re-establish "value" back into my life were becoming obsolete. Still, I was determined to believe that I, a capable and young professional, could get myself back on my feet.
As my desperation grew, I was literally hanging onto one last opportunity. I recall attending a Passion Week prayer service. One of the pastors encouraged the group to meditate. My initial reaction was, "This is not what I'm here for. I don’t want to do this." However, I was spiritually too exhausted to doubt or to question what he was asking of us or why. So I began to succumb to the unknown. Eyes closed, I began to repeat: "God, let me focus on You," and one by one the weight of my thoughts and worries were evading my mind. Releasing my load, I was in this unknown space in time—an intimate time of restoration. Before I knew it, my worst fear of letting go was actually happening—and with such ease, might I add! I finally was acknowledging with all of my mind, body and soul that I had no control of my career situation, and I needed God's intervention. Out of defeat I may have been saying, “Take this! You do something!" But perhaps, what I was really trying to say was: " I surrender this up to You. Show me Your ways."
I began to see how "surrender" was nothing to fear, but something to embrace. This conviction was enough for me to repeat that same prayer and meditation the next morning. For the first time I experienced a blessed encounter that was physically out of the norm: I felt a gentle pull upwards within my neck, my once downward posture morphed until my face was tilted upwards. I believe in my moment of meditation it was the Holy Spirit moving within me, as I was surrendering my fleet of doubts and worries about the future. Undoubtedly, it was His way of allowing me to rest in the comfort of His Presence, allowing Him to restore me: filling areas of anxiety with peace, doubt with confidence, fears with joy...the list goes on. It was a refreshing experience that defined a new level of surrender for me—complete surrender.
Among the Thirsty's "Completely" perfectly conveys, both, where I was and where I am today in my spiritual walk:
I am completely surrendering
Finally giving You everything
You're my Redeemer,
I run to the cross
Because You are more than enough
Lord complete me
Cause I'm Yours Completely
Our God is a God who honors our desires and more! All He wants is for us to draw closer to Him at all times. During that time of desperation, He did more than to provide me with a new job, but He blessed me with a treasured lesson about complete surrender. My encounter that Passion Week allowed me to appreciate the significance of our Lord's sacrifice and resurrection in a whole new light. God knew we would be inadequate alone; therefore, He surrendered His only Son so that we may be complete in Him. In honoring that Sacrifice, I am reminded: with nothing to lose and everything to gain, what else can I surrender in order for Him to complete me, again?